Funny Life Quotes

Humors can get you through life, while laughter can turn sorrow into minor interruptions. So, when life seems sucks, just read a funny life quotes and laughed until you feel better. After all, worrying will not help you but reading funny quotes can improve your sense of humor.

The following are just some of the best funny life quotes that you share to someone whining terribly.

Funny Quotes on Life

“Life is rather like a tin of sardines – we’re all of us looking for the key.”

“Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.”

“Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.”

 

 

 

“I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it.”

 

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.”

 

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”

 

“Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.”

“Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.”

“My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I’m happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right?”

“Life… is like a grapefruit. It’s orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.”

“Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.”

 

“Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?”

Short Funny Quotes About Life

“It’s possible; you can never know that the universe exists only for me. If so, it’s sure going well for me, I must admit.”

 

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

 

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

“You fall out of your mother’s womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave.”

 

“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”

 

“Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you’re alive, it isn’t.”

“I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.”

“The perfect normal person is rare in our civilization.”

 

Life Quotes Funny

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”– Will Rogers

 

”Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong” – Unknown

“The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.” – Unknown

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go” – Oscar Wilde

“The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes.” – Albert Einstein

“Never let yesterday use up too much of today.” – Will Rogers

 

“Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.”– Murphy’s Law

 

“No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.” – George Carlin

“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” – Woody Allen

 “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat” – Lily Tomlin

“I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.” – Unknown

“The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.” – George Carlin

 

“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”– George Carlin

 

“Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?” – Unknown

 

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

 

“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.” – Will Rogers

 

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.” – Mark Twain

 

“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” – Steven Wright

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets” – Al McGuire

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”– Brian Gerald O’Driscoll

 

”How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!’” – Unknown

 

“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.”– Bill McGlashen

 

“Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.” – José Maria de Eça de Queiroz

 

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.”– Abraham Lincoln

 

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” – Marilyn Monroe

 

“If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.”– Sam Levenson

 

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.”– Earl Wilson

 

“In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.” – Charlie Brown

“No one is listening until you fart.” – Unknown

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”– Abraham Lincoln

 

“Don’t look back, somebody might be gaining on you” – Satchel Paige

“Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.” – Author Unknown

“Don’t let someone be a priority in your life when you are still an option in their life.”– Unknown

“Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, you’ll be right” -Unknown

“People who snore always fall asleep first.” –  Unknown

 

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”– Robert Frost

 

“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” – Steven Wright

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” – Mark Twain

“Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.” – Jack Buck

 

“In the end, it’s not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away”– shing xiong

 

“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.”– Charles M Schulz

 

“I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.” – George Carlin