Funny Movie Quotes

Movies have kept us sane, when things seem bad. So, if you have a favorite lines or quotes from a movie you could not forget, you can find lots of famous funny movie quotes. So, read on.

Famous Funny Movie Quotes

“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, which doesn’t say much for you.”
– From the movie Animal Crackers (1930)

“When women go wrong, men go right after them” – From the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

 

“I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.”
- From the movie A Night at the Opera (1935)

 

“I have here an accident policy that will absolutely protect you no matter what happens. If you lose a leg, we’ll help you look for it.” – from the movie A Night at the Opera (1935)

 

“Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I never tried.”
-from the movie Klondike Annie (1936)

 

“Time wounds all heels.”
- From the movie Go West (1940)

“During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew.  We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.”- from the movie My Little Chickadee (1940)

“A jester unemployed is nobody’s fool.” – from the movie The Court Jester (1955)

“Do you know who I used to be?” – from the movie The Producers (1968)

“Don’t ever hit your mother with a shovel.  It leaves a dull impression on her mind.”– from the movie Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)

 

“I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.” – From the movie Bananas (1971)

“I know, I know. We are your chosen people. But once in a while can’t you choose someone else?”– from the movie Fiddler on the Roof (1971)

 

“I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.  Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time.”
- From the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

“Hey, don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.”
– from the movie Annie Hall (1977)

 

“I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.” – From the movie Annie Hall (1977)

 

“Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”
 – from the movie Animal House (1978)

 

“Attention. Here’s an update on tonight’s dinner. It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonight’s mystery meat contest is Jeffrey Corbin who guessed ‘some kind of beef.’”
    – From the movie Meatballs (1979)

“There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?” – From the movie Airplane (1980)

“We Romans are rich. We’ve got a lot of gods. We’ve got a god for everything. The only thing we don’t have a god for is premature ejaculation but I hear that’s coming quickly.”
From the movie History of the World Part I (1981)

“Normally, someone would have to go to a bowling alley to meet someone of your stature.” – from the movie Arthur (1981)

“I have an interesting case. I’m treating two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. I’m getting paid by eight people.”
- from the movie Zelig (1983)

“I’m a mog – half man, half dog. I’m my own best friend.” – From the movie  Spaceballs (1987)

“Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P., shouldn’t we keep the P.C. on the Q.T.? ’cause if it leaks to the V.C. he could become a M.I.A. and then we’d all be put out on K.P.”.- from the movie Good Morning Vietnam (1987)

“What did one shepherd say to the other shepherd?  Let’s get the flock out of here.” – From the movie Lethal Weapon (1987)

“The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.”
    – from the movie Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989)

“Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marching across your face.” – From the movie Steel Magnolias (1989)

Movie Quotes Funny

“Some people play hard to get. I play hard to want.”
- from the movie The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)

“Women need a reason for having sex, men just need a place.”– From the movie City Slickers (1991)

 

 

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic and so am I.” – From the movie What About Bob? (1991)

“I’m sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn’t that right, Mr. Poopy Pants?” – From the movie The Naked Gun 2 ½: The Smell of Fear (1991)

“I couldn’t believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say…”Hey! Look at  these!”” – From the movie The Naked Gun 2 ½: The Smell of Fear (1991)

“Dear Lillian, soon I hope to take you on a Caribbean cruise, where we can hold hands on a soft summer’s evening and watch that old Jamaican moon. Why that old Jamaican will be mooning us, I have no idea.”
- From the movie Brain Donors (1992)

 

“I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.”– From the movie So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)

 

“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”
 – from the movie Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)

“Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.”
- from the movie Dumb and Dumber (1994)

“Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.”
- from the movie Naked Gun 33 ½ : The Final Insult (1994)

“God gave men brains larger than dogs’ so they wouldn’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.”– From the movie 
Hackers (1995)

 

“I don’t date these girls because they’re well-read. I gave one of them a copy of  “Farewell to Arms”. She thought it was a diet book.” – from the movie The Mirror Has Two Faces (1996)

“If we bury you ass up, I’ve got a place to park my bike”. – from the movie Patch Adams (1998)

“You know, my mother never had time for me.  When you’re the middle child in a family of five million, you don’t get any attention.” – from the movie Antz (1998)

 

“I was married. My husband cheated on me left and right. One day he tells me it’s my fault he saw other women. So I picked up a knife, and told him it was his fault I was stabbing him.”
- from the movie Living Out Loud (1998)

 

“There’s only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people’s cultures and the Dutch.” – From the movie Goldmember (2002)

“To do then now would be retro. To do then then was very now-tro, if you will” – from the movie A Mighty Wind (2003)

“For just one night let’s not be co-workers. Let’s be co-people.” From Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

“Which reminds me of the time an Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman, a Vicar, a Rabbi and a Priest all go into a bar and the barman looks up and says ‘Is this a joke?’ – from the movie Keeping Mum (2005)

 “When God created woman, he gave her not two breasts but three.  When the middle one got in the way, God performed surgery.  Woman stood before God, with the middle breast in hand.  Said, ‘What do we do with the useless boob?’, and God created man.”
 – A Prairie Home Companion (2006)

“I’m Al Gore, I used to be the next president of the United States.”
- from An Inconvenient Truth (2006)

“Even Oedipus didn’t see his mother coming.”
From the movie Basic Instinct 2 (2006)

“Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?”– from the movie The House Bunny (2008)