Funny Quotes

funny-quotes-1Life is too short to dwell on our bad experiences. So every time we face trials, all we have to do is accept and learn from it for us to be able to pursue life with better steps to take ahead. This is the very purpose of our Funny Quotes collection, to brighten up your day and let you know there’s a lot more to laugh about.

We would sometimes fail to see the efforts of our family and friends just to cheer us up. Laughter is the best medicine right? It restores us and to make our day stress-free. We are very sure that you guys could relate to these funny quotes and sayings about different aspects of life. Our collection includes long and short funny quotes. Some would sound serious but you’d realize how humorous it turns out in the end.

So if you would like to be free from negative vibes today, well start reading now buddy. Share them to your family and friends! Grab you phone or share via Facebook and Twitter. Send them our “just for laughs” funny quotes collection that would surely make you laugh your heart out. Would like to share one quote about laughter and it says, “You have to either laugh or cry-and i prefer to laugh”. I hope we’ve got the same choice. Enjoy!

Here are some random funny quotes and sayings that you might wanna share.

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I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile-i tried but they wanted CASH.

 

 

 

 

The easiest way of learning how to dance, is to have a cold shower at midnight and sure you’ll rock like SHAKIRA.

 

Thinks feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you.

 

If you wish to avoid seeing a fool, you must break your mirror.

 

People say “nothing” is impossible, but I can do “nothing” every day.

 

All my life I thought air was free, untl I bought a bag of chips.

 

I used to like my neighbors, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

 

An apple a day, keeps the doctor away-but if the doctor is cute, just forget about the fruit.

 

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Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture.

 

 

I love my six packed abs so much, so I protect it with a layer of fat.

 

Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.

 

I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something.

 

I hate when I am about to hug a very attractive person and my face hits the mirror.

 

Dear FOOD, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

 

Money can’t buy happiness but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.

 

I speak two languages- body and English.

   

Now here are some funny love quotes. 

This are funny quotes about love and lovers. Also includes funny marriage quotes or just any funny relationship quotes. You’d surely love this collection because these quotes are reality based. Send this to your loved one and see how he/she would respond with it. Keep reading and keep laughing.

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If couples who are in love are called LOVE BIRDS, then couples who always argue should be called ANGRY BIRDS.

 

 

 

The best machine to impress a beautiful girl can never any of those GYM machines. Instead, try ATM.

 

Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That’s why girls wear make up and boys lie.

 

A man typed in search box on Google, “What do women want?” and Google replied, “We are also searching”.

 

There are a lot of fishes in the sea, but I think there’s a hole in my net.

 

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

 

Newton’s law of love is:

Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.

 

Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, and then look at neighboring table and wish you’ve ordered that.

 

For all the girls that say “All guys are the same”, who told you to try them ALL?

 

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

 

Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.

 

If money grew on trees-girls wouldn’t mind dating monkeys.

 

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should NEVER marry.

 

Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes then they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.

 

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Dear Google, please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will you please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting?

 

 

 

I don’t believe that love comes to those who wait. Today, love comes to those who flirt.

 

The meaning of ABCDEFG and GFEDCBA. “A boy can do everything for Girl” and “Girl forgets everything done & catches new boy again.

 

I think I got a fever, a fever of you.

 

Girls work on their looks but not their minds because they know boys are stupid, not blind.

 

For your men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember that’s where the knives are kept.

 

Most emotional moment in a boy’s life is when a girl says, ” Can you give me your number?”

 

Forget love, because I’d rather fall for chocolate.

 

While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.

 

Now here are some funny friendship quotes

Feel free to share these with your gang, group, circles, friendsters or whatever you call your beloved friends. Real friends don’t get offended instead crack jokes with each other even to the extent of humiliating themselves-that’s how other would define friendship. Hope you guys would love these funny quotes about friends and their relationship.

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Please God, if you can’t make me slim just make my friends FAT.

 

 

 

You actually have friends? -Yeah dude, all 10 seasons on DVD.

 

One place where you can pretend to have a lot of friends – Facebook.
Friends are like bras, close to your heart and there for support.

 

Misfortune shows those who are not real friends.

 

Friends are there to catch you when you trip and fall, but best friends are there to laugh at you when you trip and fall.

  

Here are some funny inspirational quotes or funny life quotes.

These funny quotes on life could also be funny motivational quotes. Proves to show that even in comical moments, we could discover more lessons that would help us improve ourselves. Enough with that sad face guys. Live life like it’s always the last day. Celebrate!

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Definition of human being: A creature that cuts trees, makes paper and write “SAVE TREES” on the same paper.

 

 

 

The hardest job facing kids today is to learn good manners without seeing any.

 

If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.

 

I’m not weird, I’m a limited edition.

 

Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons and forks. What do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

 

I look at people sometimes and thing: “Really? That’s the sperm that won!”

 

Nothing is illegal until you get caught.

 

The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

 

When I was born, I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

 

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Never make the same mistake twice.

There are so many new ones, try a different one each day.

 

 

 

When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the….”

 

God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China.

 

If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.

 

I don’t get it, all my life I was told NOT to write on walls.

 

Where there is a WILL, there are 100 relatives.

  

Here are some funny Christmas quotes

All about the December 25th occasion and would talk about gifts, shopping, Santa Claus, mistletoe and more. Totally hilarious! To bee naughty or nice would be your choice, but I suggest you reading our funny quotes collection first before the Christmas day comes. ho ho ho Merry Christmas!

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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year

 

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall

 

I wish we could putup some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month

 

I know its not Christmas, but Santa’s lap is always ready.
On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I’m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends-a-pokin & a creep who won’t stop inboxing meeee!

 

This Christmas I’ve decided to put a mistletoe in my back pocket….so all the people I dont like can kiss my ass.
Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas is… your list with names of naughty girls.

 

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Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

 

 

 

I wanted to send you something AMAZING for Christmas but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox…
BOY: Can I have a photo of you? GIRL:

Why? BOY: So I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.

 

There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph
Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money

 

That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

 

Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home

 

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit
There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child

 

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin

 

Some funny valentines day quotes for you

All about the love month or the February 14 occasion. Giggle with your love one and share these valentines day quotes!

I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

 

I’ve fallen in love many times… always with you.

 

Today is Valentine’s Day – or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

 

Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart.

 

A hundred hearts would be too few
To carry all my love for you.

 

When love is not madness, it is not love.

 

In a recent Valentine’s Day posting on her fan website, Britney Spears says that – oh, who cares?

 

I’m like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone.

 

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

 

10 Funny movie quotes for you 

You may have seen some of these movie. Here are some remarkable funny dialogues of the characters. Titles of the movie and actor/actress who delivered the lines are indicated. Enjoy everyone!

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“The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.”

Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989) – Cliff Stern (Woody Allen)

 

 

 

“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) – Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey)
“I’m a mog – half man, half dog. I’m my own best friend.”
Spaceballs (1987) – Barf (John Candy
“I couldn’t believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I
remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese
sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say…”Hey! Look at
these!””
The Naked Gun 2 ½: The Smell of Fear (1991) – Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen)

 

“There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your
flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?”

Airplane (1980) – Elaine Dickinson (Julie Hagerty)

 

“Time wounds all heels.”

Go West (1940) – S. Quentin Quale (Groucho Marx)

 

“For just one night let’s not be co-workers. Let’s be co-people.”
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) – Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell)

 

“I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my
socks.”

A Night at the Opera (1935) – Otis B. Driftwood (Groucho Marx)

 

“When women go wrong, men go right after them.”
She Done Him Wrong (1933) – Lady Lou (Mae West)

 

“When God created woman, he gave her not two breasts but three. When the middle one
got in the way, God performed surgery. Woman stood before God, with the middle breast
in hand. Said, ‘What do we do with the useless boob?’, and God created man.”

A Prairie Home Companion (2006) – Dusty (Woody Harrelson)

 

Now here are some Funny Happy Birthday quotes.

If the celebrant isn’t much of a dramatic person, try sending this nice birthday quotes that are really funny. Sure he/she would love this collection.
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Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cakes.

 

 

 

 

I’m not getting older. I’m just becoming a classic.

 

Happy Birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.

 

No wise man ever wished to be younger.

 

I have no birthday, that means I was not born therefore I cannot die.

 

Actually, I didn’t forget your birthday but since you forgot mine then I waited until a day after to send you this.

 

When I turned 2, I was really anxious because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought if this keeps up by the time , I’m five and will be 64.

 

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.

 

This time, here’s a collection of funny work quotes and funny school quotes

Anything that happens inside the office or at school. Some quotes are applicable to both, especially when it comes to the Monday to Friday sickness and weekends as the “all-is-well” days. Enjoy browsing guys!

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If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking.

 

 

 

I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them.

 

The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.

 

I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday and 4% Friday.

 

If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all the subjects.

 

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

 

I think my iPhone is broken, I pressed the home button and i’m still at school.

 

It’s better to fail that to cheat but it’s better to cheat than to repeat.

 

Thanks to Google, Wikipedia and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you guys.

 

Dear MATH, stop asking to find you X, she’s not coming back.

 

A teacher asked for an insight about gender discrimination with example and a student answers like this. “A woman can sleep with whoever they want, while men have to sleep with whoever lets them!”

 

Why “abbreviation” is such a long word?

 

Lovely days in my life are : childhood days, school days & college days. Horrible days in my life were only EXAM DAYS.

 

CLASS is an abbreviation of “Come Late And Start Sleeping”.

 

I need 6months vacation, twice a year.

 

During the last 5 minutes of examination, every student gets a super natural power.

 

The main reason for every failure is obviously -EXAM.

 

Here’s one funny Friday quote

Friday is my second favorite “F” word.

 

If you have more funny quotes in mind, we would love to see them on our comment section below. We would appreciate it a lot and would love to create photo quote for it. Always remember guys, laughter is the best medicine and it’s even without doctors prescription. Cheers!

 

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