Witty Quotes

If you have that strong, outgoing personality and showing cleverness or humor on how you speak and write then people would refer you as being “witty”.  This personality means you are quick to express amazing insights in a manner that is remarkable and sometimes entertaining. You’re smart, original and really striking when you talk. Yup, means you’re giving impact to people who are listening and looking at you. Some find this as a positive personality- being expressive and open. But to some, it could be irritating, those who see this personality as sarcasm.

 I’d say, it’s not bad to be witty as long as you’re expressing your words with sense. To some, they can be wit and still be funny. Just remember, don’t be so cruel in pointing out what’s in your mind. Again, these quotes are meant to boost the spirit in you but not intended to harm others. Be wit and classy, not rude

Here are some nice witty quotes you might want to share through email or on your social networking status. You could also send these as SMS to your friends. These quotes are to boost your self esteem and hopefully would make you sharper as an individual.

 I’ve grouped them into 4:

Witty quotes about relationship, family members and everything that involves home matters (to include neighbors)

 “He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t”

– Victor Borge

 

“I’m in a serious relationship with my wifi. You could say we have a connection”

 

 “I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house”

– Zsa Zsa Gabor

 

“Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you really wish they were”

 

“Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering”

 

“Having one child makes you a parent. Having two makes you a referee”

 

“Children really brighten up a household; they never turn the lights off”

-Ralph Bus

 

“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people”

 

“Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunders and lightnings”

 

“Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up”

 

“God created men first, because you always make a tough draft before a masterpiece”

 

“My mother’s menu is consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it”

-Buddy Hackett

 

Witty quotes about work, money & possessions. 

“Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places”

 

“You can’t have everything..where would you put it?

-Steven Wright

 

“A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station”

 

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early”

-Charles Lamb

 

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first”

-Mark Twain

 

“Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired”

 

Witty quotes that are personal, particularly involves attitude/personality issues. 

“If I were a dog and you were a flower, I’d lift my leg to give you a shower”

 

“I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see that you are unarmed”

-William Shakespeare

 

“About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age”

 

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits”

-Albert Einstein

 

“I’m a slow walker, but I never walk back”

-Abraham Lincoln

 

 “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

– Mark Twain

 

“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.

-Winston Churchill

 

“Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege”

 

“You can pretend to be serious, you can’t pretend to be witty”

-Sacha Guitry

 

“I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse”

 

 “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak”

 

“The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese”

 

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt”

 

“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian”

 

“Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished”

 

“Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake”

 

“If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain”

 

“The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open”

 

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception”

 

“Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with expertise

 

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato as a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad”

 

“If practice makes perfect, yet “nobody’s perfect,” then why practice?”

 

“We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public”

 

“Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking”

 

“I live in my own world but it’s okay, they know me there”

 

“You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever!”

 

“You are getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them”

 

“You say I’m ‘dirty-minded’, but then how did you understand what I meant in the first place”

 

“If you have something to say, please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.

 

“I never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if I have to leave them alone in order to do it”

 

“Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it”

 

“I don’t hate you. It’s just my attitude has problems with your personality”

 

“Wow, you’re really going to fight with me on internet? What’s the worst you can do? Caps-lock me to death?”

 

“I’m making a few changes in my life. If you don’t hear back from me, then you are one of those changes”

 

“I would like to say sorry to all the people I have not offended or pissed off today. Look at the bright side, there’s always tomorrow!”

 

“Dear Annoying People, you have some terrible habits. Breathing is one of them”

 

Random witty quotes that doesn’t fall on any of the 3 groups above.

 

“A bargain is something you don’t really need, but at a price you can’t resist.
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book”

 

“Why are they called buildings, when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?”

 

“Never judge a book by its movie”

-J.W. Eagen

 

“We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police”

-Jeff Marder

 

“I’ll be there in 5 minutes, if not then read this over and over again”

 

“Vintage: A word used to defend your clothes when someone calls them ugly”

 

“I’ll admit I’m hot, but don’t blame me for global warning”

 

“I’m not a stalker; I’m an unpaid private investigator”

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