Beer is the old time favorite of many people. If you love beer and interested in knowing funny, and serious beer quotes from celebrities, famous individuals and politicians, read on.

Drinking Quotes

“When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun, but when you mix the two you become a dumbass.” – That 70’s Show

 

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”-Benjamin Franklin

 

“For a quart of Ale is a meal for a King.”-William Shakespeare

 

“You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.”-Frank Zappa

 

“I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.”~ Joe E. Lewis

 

“We drink [to] one another’s health and spoil our own.”~ Jerome K. Jerome

 

“If you drink, don’t park; accidents cause people.”~ Anonymous

 

“The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a beer bottle, they’re on TV.”~ The Simpsons

 

“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”~ Oscar Wilde

 

“All is fair in love and beer.” ~ Kurt Paradis

 

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.”~ Jack Handey

 

“Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” ~ Ogden Nash

 

“I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.”~ Oscar Levant

 

“A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.”~W.C. Fields

 

 “Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.”~ Lord Byron

 

“It’s like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don’t know where you’re going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It’s like the throw of the dice.”~ Jim Morrison

 

“A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.”~ Steve Fergosi

 

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?”~Steven Wright

 

“Drink what you want; drink what you’re able. If you are drinking with me, you’ll be under the table.”~ Anonymous

 

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”~ Benjamin Franklin

 

“Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.”~ Anonymous

 

“I find the more I drink, the more interesting others become.”~ Tom Ralphs

 

“I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been overserved.”~ George Gobel

 

“Here’s to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life’s problems.”~ The Simpsons

 

“If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs.”~ David Daye

 

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”~ George Burns

 

“When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.”~ Frantois Rabelais

 

“Why don’t you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?”~ The Major and the Minor

 

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”~ Henry Youngman

 

“Everybody should believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink.”-Anonymous

 

“One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough.”-James Thurber

 

“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.”-Rodney Dangerfield

 

“He that drinks fast, pays slow.”-Benjamin Franklin

 

“Drinking beer doesn’t make you fat; it makes you lean… against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.”-Anonymous

 

“Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I’m thirsty, not dirty.”-Joe E. Lewis

 

“Responsible drinking? Now that’s an oxymoron.”-Aaron Howard

 

“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”-Frank Sinatra

“Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” – Winston Churchill

 

“Always do sober what you said you‘d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” – Ernest Hemingway

 

“You can‘t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.” – Frank Zappa

“Being half drunk is just another way of saying ‘your almost there.” – Jarrod Conway

 

“Give an Irishman lager for a month and he‘s a dead man. An Irishman‘s stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.” – Mark Twain

 

“O Beer! O Hodgson, Guinness, Allsopp, Bass! Names that should be on every infant‘s tongue.” – C.V Calverley

 

“Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; The best of life is but intoxication.” – Lord Byron`

 

“They who drink beer will think beer.” -Washington Irving

 

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” -Dave Barry

 

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” – Henry Youngman

 

“Work is the curse of the drinking.” -Oscar Wilde

 

“He was a wise man who invented beer.” – Plato

 

“If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.” – Jack Handy

 

“I drink to make other people interesting.”– George Jean Nathan

 

“Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer.” – Al Bundy

 

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

 

“I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of Communism or the fact that the refrigerator is still working.” – Dave Berry

 

“A woman drove me to drink, and I hadn’t even the courtesy to thank her.” – W.C. Fields

 

“To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.” -Homer Simpson

 

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. ” – Humphrey Bogart

 

“I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.” -Abraham Lincoln

 

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?” -Stephen Wright

 

“One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesn‘t live like the previous generation. It hasn‘t yet given up jeans and T-shirts or beer.” -Ron Klugman, SVP, Coors Brewing

 

“The roots and herbs beaten and put into new ale or beer and daily drunk, cleareth, strengthen and quicken the sight of the eyes.” -Nicholas Culpeper

 

“Alright brain, I don‘t like you and you don‘t like me, so just get me through this exam so I can go back to killing you slowly with beer.” -Homer Simpson

 

“We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old.” -Martin Luther

 

“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let‘s all get drunk and go to heaven!” -Brian Burke

 

“An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger, or a beer.” -Confucius

 

“No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.” -John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough

 

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. They wake up in the morning and that’s the best they’re going to feel all day.”– Frank Sinatra

 

“I may be drunk, but in the morning i‘ll be sober and you‘ll still be ugly.” – Winston Churchill,

 

“I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.”~ Joe E. Lewis

 

“I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn’t pronounce it.”~ Anonymous

 

“Ah that’s just drunk talk, sweet beautiful drunk talk.”~ The Simpsons

 

“Alcoholic friends are as easy to make as Sea Monkeys.”~ Dry

 

“Maybe talking when I’m piss ass drunk isn’t entirely bright.”~ Chris McGowan

 

“I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly . . . ”~ Anchorman

 

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”~ Dave Barry

 

“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.”~ Dean Martin

 

 

“Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.”~ Catherine Zandonella

 

“When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.”~ Jimmy Breslin