george-carlin-quotesGeorge Carlin was on the A-list of character comedians, witty word plays, political satire, sarcasm and humor. He had won four Grammy Awards for his comedy albums. He also number 2 on the list of Comedy Central for the 100 greatest comedians of all time. Some of his famous routines are FM & AM, It’s Bad For Ya, and Brain Droppings. However, it is not enough to say that George Carlin simply made people laugh. He had a heart full of ideas and messages that he wanted to express. The only way he could express them without much prejudice was to wrap them in comedy.

George Carlin talked about his observations on American culture and everyday life. He appears to have had a frustrating life under organized religion because this has been a main target for his sarcastic comedy. He was raised a Catholic but died as an Atheist. Worshipping the visible sun was something he preferred over worshipping an invisible God. He also admits resorting to recreational drug use which he uses as a topic in his repertoire along with politics.

Just the same as life, he also had a lot to say about death. It is also due to his taboo subjects that the government affirmed its power to regulate material heard in the public airwaves.

Best George Carlin Quotes

After getting to know his background, reading his quotes will allow you to either empathize with or condemn the man.


“It’s never just a game when you’re winning.”

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.”

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.”

“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire,
What do freedom fighters fight?
They never mention that part to us, do they?”

“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, ‘You know, I want to set those people over on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.’”

“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.”

“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”

“The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.”

George Carlin quotes on Love

Though his quotes on love are quite subtle and scarce, he makes up for it in its intensity.


“Remember, spend some time with your loved ones,
Because they are not going to be around forever.”

“’I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?”

“If a movie is described as a romantic comedy,
You can usually find me next door playing pinball.”

“Sex without love has its place, and it’s pretty cool, but when you have it hand in hand with deep commitment and respect and caring, it’s nine thousand times better.”

“Given the right reasons and the right two people,
Marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life.”

George Carlin Religion Quotes

This man has a heavy burden in heart when it comes to religion. With tons of quotes attributed to him on this topic, he could have probably said more had he lived longer.


“I’m completely in favor of separation of Church and State.
My idea is that these two institutions crew us up enough on their own,
so both of them together is certain death.”

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.”

“I used to be Irish Catholic.
Now I’m an American – you know, you grow.”

“Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man.. living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of then specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.”

“Religion is just mind control.”

“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.”

George Carlin Quotes on Life

He was very good at observing people’s lives whether they came from rich, poor, black, or white. He just says it as he sees it.


“It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.”

“I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven’t tried that for a while. Maybe this time it’ll work.”

“There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.”

“People who say that they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.”

“The status quo sucks.”

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

“When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show.
When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.”

“I wanna live. I don’t wanna die.
That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying!
I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.”

“Honesty may be the best policy,
But it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
Dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.”

“Weather forecast for tonight: Dark.
Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.”

Funny George Carlin Quotes

As mentioned earlier, he wrapped his messages in comedy so that they can be accepted more easily into the mainstream. They present a stark reality and truth that is not easy to escape from once you understand his message.


“The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

“I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.”

“Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations.
When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.”

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot,
and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

“You know an odd feeling, sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.”

“The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.”

“I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.”

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